As an era ends...

and these walls are only a memory, I feel motivated to post an old poem I just found as I was moving precious shit into boxes.

Talk About Escapism

As I become, one in nature

I feel the plants form my future

For a new outlook is all

it'll take not to fall

And I found it now

but manifest it how?

Find what you need

And for it plead

Become scared

Mission declared

Fight past feeling

Fuck the kneeling

Tell her what you feel

describe what's real

If it ain't her

Start over

But when life becomes good

You couldn't but you should

And so the mountains fail me

And something I've seen before I see

This time is perfectly planned

With coincidences that land

If life was like this forever

It may not be clearer

But my arms relax well

Even if in hell

With her body on mine

My life I'd enjoy fine

So where oh Lord

do you fit in?

Since God I know you listen

So hear me right fuckin now

I want to live out your mission

And though I'm confused

I'll look past the torment

A follower as Job

If only you'll let me be used

So know that Lord,

That I am deathly ready

To die by your sword

I can't help it however

if ruminations control me

And I'm blinded forever

I'm content to live/die like this

with one condition

that when her and I kiss

I will know you're not vexed

for if you are

I will always be surly depressed

And though I can't know you

as well as I'd like

I ask that she will get through

While humans may not understand

and though feelings of nuclear strife will follow,

You have the last command.

And though I may sin

And induce my own laceration

I believe in the Shroud of Turin

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And so just typing that out has me broken down. May of 2003 is what it was dated. It alludes to a host of multiple different ideas and actions that I knew would affect me and my mind into the distant future. Though I feel now that it was the beginning of the end of my "faith", at the time I was a slightly skeptical person but was also an obsessively devout Christian. Yet, slowly I dabbled in not living the Bible out in it's most literal sense. 2003 was a polarizing year for me where the seeds were laid to sow years of extreme despair.